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A lot journals lately, eh? Let's get to the topic...

I got cold! I allowed myself to have cold! Unbelievable!
You see, I am pretty resistant to low temperatures. Hell, sometimes, while it is 0°C, I walk only in t-shirt. I don't mind if my body freeze, really. Even if it hurts.
But there is one body part that cannot feel any wind or cold. My neck. I hate when I feel cold in my neck. The neck must be covered!
Few days ago I forgot a scarf: after all those sunny days with incredible high temperatures I stoped carring it in my bag. And then suddenly got colder: from 30 degrees to 10 degrees, with wind.
This stacked up with my past mood, as you probably know, mood, mind, can influence immune system. The timing is pretty right. Last time when I got cold I also had bad mood severals days before.
It wouldn't be a big problem but...
I'm going to teach children in elementary/primary school, about Australia, in monday. How I suppose to perform the lesson well if I have cold? I can't speak well.
And I have field trip at the end of this month. We will be watching birds, catching vipers and looking at hills, I think. If this will look like our past field trip, where some people were crying because it looked more like in concentration camp (no damn time for food, working in a full sun/rain for several hours, no damn time to take a shower (hell even no strenght to take the shower) (basicaly our day began from 6am to 2-3am next day, almost each hour was filled with walking, climbing, jumping above sewage, digging and scribbling in each spare minute in between those actions.)), then I may have hard time to keep up with them. I'm not the person who easy give up or the weakest chain, in such situations, but I'm affraid I may cause problems for my group if I won't be cured/this bring me ill.

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If someone's care I finally bought Playing the Angel. [link] Now I have both of those important albums. I feel like I fullfiled my destiny

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My friend "returned to life", she's fine. I am fine too. Actually, I feel epicly epic. Aside from the damn cold of course.

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I only need do some bureaucracy stuff and it should be settled: I'm going to be a trainee teacher in october.
I'm excited and afraid.
It is great to share knowledge about the world, this is beautiful to show people how everything works, making them to understand laws of physics etc. I can infuence people to search by their own, I can open their curiousity again. But! This is primary school. I hate how they force us to say only things that are in school/text books. I hate how restricted knowledge I have to share. This is the best time to learn! Those kids are wasting their time, doing, literally, nothing. Textbooks for such low clases contain pathetic amount of "knowledge", if I can call this knowledge. I would like to show them the world how it is, not how they want us/them to see. I compare nowadays pupils/students teaching to husbandry/rearing, with school as a factory. We preduce stupid people. Well, it is well know that controling stupid people is much easier, people who think causes problems.
I am afraid because I hate children. No, maybe it is not hate, but anxiety. I treat people equally. No matter of age or education. Those are not important to me. Important to me is how the person is like, inside.
I can't stand "low minded" people. People who doesn't think by their own, people who stoped thinking by their own, people who let other people to think for them. When I see a poor I would give him a rod, rather than a fish.
A child is a special case of being "low minded". It is rather caused by our biology and that they aren't fully developed yet. They views are limited, they don't have experience in life, they cannot see like a normal adult person do. And this irritate me, because as I said, I cannot stand such people. The problem lays in me, who treat thos kids equally to adults, why I shouldn't, I should make correction for them. I have to learn myself to overcome this obstruction.
Another thing is that an usual child is very... expressive. They are... expanding... They creates huge amount of attention around them. They are so... alive. This is quite opposite to who I am. Even as a kid I would like to sit my butt and read a book or draw rather than just run with a ball or something. And when I was playing with toys I did everything in silence, in my mind. In my free time I was counting numbers. They? They scream, pushing each other, run, jump...
I don't like touch, I'm not used to touch, but they have very little limitts in this matter. Kids are so no like me and they makes me nervous each time when one appear nearly.
Last thing I have in mind here is that, in older classes, where they aren't kids, but teenagers, they seems to be so... shallow. Like only their cellphones matter, like only shooters and facebook matter... I'm not sure if this is our (society) fault or just such age is like that.
Generally, I consider myself as a bad person for doing such job: I have bad experience in life, weird stuff happened to me in the past, I was removed from life for about 2 years because I was ill, I show attitudes that can be unaccepted by many (here in my country) and I have often mood swings. But I have to do it.
What I will need in october is self-control, responsibility, open mind, patience, regurality. This may be another great experience in my life, I shouldn't turn it into horror.

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I am going to change my username to Twarda8. Unless I think about something better.

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I have to note people that I may not finish stuff for my deadlines. Life! Y U so unpredictable?! I need work fast because I'm failing again D:<

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Have this video as an end.